Friday, May 11, 2007

Retroactive Entry: On the Way Home to Stay

5/8/07, 6:47am, Pittsburgh Greyhound Station, waiting for my connection

After the short night on the Greyhound, I am in the Pittsburgh station. There are volumes to write about all the events of the past week, but I have yet to mark a page. I am thinking I’ll have more time going forward, and hopefully I’ll make it a priority.

In a sense, I thought my journey home, although a well-worn path, would be more momentous than it has been. It could very well be that I am going home to help my Dad die, but right now, I just feel like usual – tired after two short nights, mildly anxious about getting all my stuff home, and eager to get home, unpack, and get organized and settled. I am really not thinking about much of anything, and I am definitely feeling a bit numb… or maybe just normal. In a matter of hours, I am going to tell my Mom about Dad’s long term prognosis, information I learned after my own detective work last week. I’ll sit with the family as we meet with the oncologist, and then I’ll be alongside Mom, Dad, Beth, and maybe Grandma as we decide what to do. I also just left DC – my community, my work, my friends, my current home. I feel it slightly, but the impact of that is also lost on me, even though there were some tears and it was a moving week of support and remembrance from my DC community.

I am not really even sure what to write. It is a very liminal time, and maybe with time home I can reconstruct with more poetic prose. But for now, not much to write. There have been moments of emotion, but right now I am stoic. We’ll see what today brings… the time I’ve been thinking about for weeks – and in a sense years – is close.


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