Friday, May 11, 2007

Retroactive Entry: Conversation with Dad in March

3/22/07, In the Tidioute Towers

I just sat with Dad on the front bench of the Towers on this quintessentially rainy, spring day. He wanted to go over some “details” with me, although it is all things I already knew from my ride home with Beth. Beth is the executor, her being geographically proximate. Everything will go to Mom, which isn’t much. There should be enough life insurance to pay for simple funeral arrangements, and Dad clearly wants everything to be simple so that there is something left for Mom. No calling hours. Cremation. A simple memorial service with the ashes when Mom is ready. His tools all go to Smokey, to whom he credits extra 18 months of life. Apparently, Beth has some ideas about a lot of this.

He also mentioned that he should have died many other times, but he always figured God wanted him around. He at least wanted to see how his kids found their way, although we are still getting settled (read: me).

He said he is feeling content. He feels optimistic that this can be overcome. He said that Monday night, the first night after the news, he had trouble sleeping. He walked around and went outside (against hospital orders). He was mulling his life over in his mind. He feels that he’s made some amends in the last 20 years. He said something about not having the patience and fortitude to be a father until his late 40s (when I was around 10), and it was then when he got a wake up call. He mentioned Amy and Melissa and not ever meeting Olivia and Amy’s upcoming [or already born] baby. But he got to his room, sat in his chair, and prayed, giving everything to God and Dr. Zahner. And then he slept soundly, and the nurses had to wake him at 7:30am.

He said that he and I might not believe the same things anymore, but he believes that if God wants to heal him, He will. But if it is his time, that’s okay. He is super concerned about leaving Mom in good shape… financially, and he doesn’t want any invasive treatment because he doesn’t want to leave mom taking care of him as a vegetable.

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